When the story you ever read or heard was actually denied by people you know and they try so hard to bring you back to the "real world" to get your sense back.
I kinda sad. I am not sure which one is wrong, me or other people, in this kind of matter.
I talked about how i couldn't stand university life. It just doesn't suit me. I want to start my own business, just go into the war. Then most of my friend try to stop me.
They said i should never give up, continue with the study, just another few semester. Some of them really force that sense to me. I appreciate it, really. When everyone said "don't give up" . . . and some of them said, I shouldn't blame or run from this shit. I should try to be a little flexible. I always try to keep my principle, it is difficult because the world doesn't work like that. World is cruel to those who are different. I know it very well, and my friend feed me with this very sensible reason.
I couldn't say any, somehow that wasn't the thing i want to hear. When people asked a question, because they want to know the answer, and sometimes they want to confirm the answer they already have. I might be the second one for most of the time. I might want someone tell me to move on, reach my dream and support me, always watch my back, no matter what kind of shit i face or what kind of path i choose. It just doesn't work like that.
I often read lot of books and quotes, watched motivation videos. Where there are only few people in this world make remarkable "stain" in the history, they make "a change". I admire those people, Uncle jobs, Einstein, Hatta, Edison, Tesla, Gandhi, My dad and the most respectful person in my life Rasulullah P.B.U.H, I know how difficult of them to be what they are and most of people only know they success story. I want to be like them, i don't mind getting dirty and bleeding in the place i called home. I just can't find a way to relate it to me because my friends suggestion are always make sense.
I need education, i can handle this problem,i just few step away from graduation. However, there is this burden on me, as the eldest, as the one who always spend my parents money which i do not want. I want to get my own money and i want to do what i like and i can't see these thing happened soon. I can't see my education (at least for the rest) will contribute to goal that i aim. Do i like working in office from 8 - 5, 5 times a week. Well, if i work here in Malaysia or maybe in another country the payout is awesome, much more than what i need and i can save, and after several years i might made even more. Does this is my aim ?? Money ?? I don't think so, i want a freedom of do what i like and what i love. I want to have my own freedom travelling around the world, helping other people, make a change.
I confuse on what should i do next, what are the decision should i take. I really have no idea.
Honestly, i am torn inside, between my dream and reality. I really need money in sense of it can help me but the stuff that i want, help my family, help more people, but . . . . is that the thing that i really really need.
Sometimes the border of need and want is really thin, we can't simply differentiate it. At least i have difficulties on it.
I don't know what future holds for me. I'll try my best and maybe for the last time in my life i will try to listen to other people, if this shit doesn't work, I know what i should do next. . .
Guys, thank you for everything, it just somehow . . . i simply want to be different . . .
I love you, all of you for everything you gave to me and i treasure it,
I trust you and i hope i can always trust all of you . .
Thanks,
Ciaosz
